Clouded Minds
by TheFerretGirl
Summary: It is better to remember, or is it?


**Title:** Clouded Minds  
**Author:** FerretGirl  
**Pairing:** Not saying.  
**Spoilers:** Slight spoilers for AtS S4 and 5  
**Rating:** G  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, I'm just borrowing them 

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_**A big thanks to viciouswishes and alias_lilacgirl for the beta. ** _

Clouded Minds 

She doesn't really know why she's here. Just that the other gig didn't work out the way it should have. And a girl needs a life right? She had an education and she could type and archive, so here she was. What didn't make sense was the fact that she was working for Wolfram and Hart, evil incorporate. 

She loathes the CEO of the company. A vampire. So what if he has a soul. His co-workers, his _friends_, could say all they wanted about the fact that the vampire is good, and that Wolfram and Hart is no longer evil; she doesn't believe them. She doesn't trust them. She feels nothing but disgust for those do-gooders turned evil. Because they have turned evil, of that she is sure. She's not really sure what that makes her. She tries not to think about it. 

********** 

He doesn't understand why they are here. Just that Angel declared it a good idea and so did the others. Somehow, he had lacked the energy to doubt that or maybe he had. He can't remember. But that is what he was doing. He doubts the rightness of them being here. Working for..or with, the enemy they had fought against for so many years. Wolfram and Hart, evil incorporate. It doesn't make sense to him and he doesn't know why it _does _make sense to the others. His co-workers, his...friends? He also doesn't know why he hesitates using that word. Friends, it is what they are, aren't they? 

He loathes the people he has to work with every day. They are evil or evil in the making. He's sure of that. Angel and the others keep saying Wolfram and Hart is no longer evil because they now run the firm. He keeps looking over his shoulder, always waiting for some one to plunge a knife into his back, for someone to betray him. Wolfram and Hart is evil, he knows this for a fact. He's not really sure what that makes him and he doesn't want to think about it either. 

********** 

She doesn't know what to think of him. She feels different about him. He's one of the new department heads; but he is not like the others. He seems lost, unsure of why he's here. But she knows he's a dangerous man, a force to be reckoned with. A man of honor, only wanting to do the right thing. She doesn't understand how she knows this. 

When she sees him there are odd feeling surging through her. Hate, guilt, fear...disgust. But strange enough, the disgust she feels is not for him, but for herself. This confuses her. 

********** 

He is not sure, but somehow he thinks she is different than the other drones at Wolfram and Hart. As if she doesn't belong here; she looks lost. There is a fear he feels he doesn't understand and a vulnerability he understands even less. He knows she can be dangerous and easily manipulated. Or at least she once was easily manipulated. This doesn't seem to be the case anymore. He has no idea how he knows all this. They have never met have they? 

When he sees her or talks to her he gets feelings he does not understand, cannot place. Hate, fear, guilt...disgust. But not disgust for her, but for himself. He doesn't know why. 

********** 

She has the feeling that something isn't right. Something is missing. Like there is a huge hole in her memories. She chalks it up to being bashed on the head too many times during her vampire hunter days and tries not to think about it too hard. 

She remembers her sister; she remembers her sister being killed by a vampire. She remembers taking revenge and the bad taste it had given her. Disillusioned. But she doesn't remember anything about how, why, or when...or who. Only that the Englishman somehow is connected to it. She feels broken, alone. She doesn't need to hide it, no one would notice it anyway. 

********** 

He knows something is wrong. There is a large piece missing of the puzzle. The strange looks Angel had been giving him, the odd things the vampire sometimes says. The feeling of mistrust he gets around Fred, Gunn and even Lorne. Something is not quite right. But he hides it. He's become quite good at hiding his feelings and thoughts. This frightens him for some reason. It triggers a feeling of loneliness he can't place; another piece of the puzzle that doesn't fit. 

Maybe he's paranoid. But he's convinced the woman has something to do with it. He can't shake that feeling no matter how hard he tries to ignore it. Maybe he shouldn't ignore it; maybe he should find out what is missing, fill the hole in his memories. Or loose his mind. 

********** 

She's working late. An important case. Some papers need to be signed. Angel has already retired to his penthouse suite, so she goes to the next best person, his second in command. He's also authorized to sign papers like these. 

She is nervous as she knocks on the door. The man makes her feel uneasy and guilty. She gave up asking herself why some time ago. The soft English accented voice tells her to come in. She knew he would still be here; he seems to be working late all the time. 

Taking a deep breath she walks into his office, plastering a fake smile on her face. 

********** 

He's working late again. Trying to find out what exactly is going on; what is missing; and trying to explain these strange hunches. He's not making any progress. Somehow he has the feeling that Angel knows more, but asking him about it doesn't seem right. He feels that Angel is holding a big piece of the puzzle, and he's afraid of what he's going to find out when the puzzle is complete. His deep thoughts are interrupted when a tentative knock brings him back to reality. 

He's standing in the middle of the room when she enters. It's the woman that makes him feel afraid and guilty. He gives her a polite smile. 

********** 

He asks what he can do for her. She tells him that there are some papers to sign. She is so nervous she drops some of the papers. She curses herself for her clumsiness and bends to retrieve the papers. 

Her hand bumps into his as he bends forward to help her pick up the papers. 

Time freezes as they stare at each other as pictures and feelings flash through their minds. 

_Man _

_ Vampire _

_ Woman _

_ Baby _

_ Demon _

_ Betrayal _

_ Knife _

_ Fear _

_ Loneliness _

_ Teenager _

_ Guilt _

_ Box _

_ Ocean _

_ Bar _

_Closet _

_ Lilah _

_ Boat _

_ Bucket _

_ Disgust _

_ A baby crying, lives destroyed, feelings of betrayal. _

_ Connor. _

They stare at each other in recognition and confusion. His hand goes up to his throat to feel a scar that had not been there before, that should have been there before. She looks away first, her eyes focusing on the scar in shock. 

They know; they remember; they feel. They wished they hadn't. Wished they could turn it back, make the void in their memories come back. They can't. It makes them feel angry. At themselves, at the one who took away their memories. Took away what they have earned the hard way, who they have become, what makes them who they were...are. 

Their eyes meet again. 

"Justine." 

"Wesley." 

- end

**2003 by FerretGirl**


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